Holiday Query Blog Hop -- SPOOKY JANE

Another blog hop critiquing opportunity!! Once again, Michelle Hauck is sponsoring this terrific opportunity to give and get invaluable feedback.

Want to know how it works? Look here:

Here's my REVISED query -- looking forward to making it bright and shiny when I see all your feedback. 

Dear Brilliant Agent,

Twelve-year-old Ivy Jane is thrilled when her family stops moving around and settles in the Minnesota town where her close-knit clan of cousins lives. It’s nice to finally be around people who are like her – they’re a family with the unusual gift of being able to keep anything alive. But even more important is the chance to be in on the inside jokes instead of always the lonely outsider.

But immediately, things get spooky. People standing too close to Ivy suddenly feel sick and have bone-chilling hallucinations. She has walking blackouts where she takes on a different personality – but remembers nothing afterward. She hears voices in her head and because she acts so strange, they’re the only ones talking to her.    

Then the voices actually introduce themselves, which is when she learns she’s not crazy, just the unlucky gateway for some troubled family ghosts. They are the ones in control during Ivy’s blackouts, and through her, they’re growing stronger. But they’re also killing her. The only way to save herself will be to untangle her family’s power over life from its apparent connection to the spirit of death.  But to do that, she’ll need the help of her cousins, who are leery of being around her. Besides, they don’t believe in ghosts.

SPOOKY JANE is an in-progress Upper MG Paranormal. It echoes elements of television’s SLEEPY HOLLOW – written for a younger crowd – and the themes of haunting and family in Mary Downing Hahn’s ALL THE LOVELY BAD ONES. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

The Phone Test

I've spent the last 3 weeks or so in critique land. Very little writing, just getting and giving feedback on queries and first 250s.

I've noticed a main theme develop in my comments: Fix the worst writing glitches by following this rule:

Read It Out Loud!

Flow problems? Authentic dialogue? Overwritten?

 When you HEAR your own words, the problems fix themselves. At least 90% of the time. Sometimes they don't, but that's another post.

The thing is, when you use your outside voice, not your internal I-love-these-words voice, you process differently - it's just that simple. Your mouth stumbles over awkward phrasing, overly formal or purply prose.  You know what you would say in "real life". That's what you should actually be writing.

Some of you know I teach writing - business writing. My students work for various US agencies and departments. My job exists because SO many government employees overwrite and crowd their documents with long, fussy, circuitous language. And, for the most part, they know better. But the culture of government writing supports, nay, ENCOURAGES that, so that's what they do.

The truth is, high level leadership wants plainer, simpler language - and certainly taxpayers do too. But the disconnect is huge.  If only I had a dollar for every time I've heard this: "We've always written this way; it sounds more official".

Uh, nope.


So anyway (*forcibly removes herself from her soapbox*), when I help people unlearn bad habits, we chant the Golden Rule. You know it now, say it with me:

READ IT OUT LOUD.

Keep it simple, and they will get it. 

Keep it real, and they will connect.

But, oddly enough, I never thought to apply that to my own creative writing until I read this post from the amazing Authoress, whom many of us depend on for wisdom, truth, and great contests.

She is Dauntless and posts about her own learning curve, so I am going to take a page from her blog and do the same.  Here is what I wrote in one of the early versions of my current query letter:

 It’s also a speculative take on the controversial world of stem cell research.

Say what?

Read it out loud, and you find your tongue stumbling across the consonants. You wonder, now just what does she mean?

But I didn't hear the problems because I didn't SPEAK it, and so, I actually sent it out that way.

So, try it. You'll surprise yourself.

One last note: when in doubt, try what I call the "phone test". When you can't figure out how to word something, pretend you're telling it to someone on the phone. Actually speak out loud. 90% of the time, what you say on the "phone"  is drastically different from what you say when you're staring at the screen.

Be Brilliant!

Critique Partners

I participated in SC Author's #Becomeanagent contest this week. Excellent contest, excellent host. Once more, big thanks to SC.

And - Wow. Just, wow. The query I told you about a few weeks ago? The one I was cautiously optimistic about? TANKED!

Really just nosedived - NO ONE liked it.  OUCH.

So, it's back to the drawing board, but once again, because of smart thinking from people who can see everything in my query that I'm too close to see, I have renewed hopes that it can be good one day. Not just I-think-it's-good, but actually, truly good.

And all this has led to today's musings on the importance of a good CP.

We all know what a key piece the puzzle a good critique partner is -- but you know, I'll just say it: It's scary to open your work to someone you've never - and may never - meet in person. Or at least, it is for me.

If you're like me, you send your work to a CP and then you don't really sleep until the critique comes back. You WANT to know what doesn't work, you WANT to know where you're falling short. But it's still nerve wracking. It just is. After all, this is your baby, right? One of them, at least.

Brenda Drake, who many of us know because of her blog and the great contests she generously runs (#Pitmad, anyone?) agreed to share her thoughts on finding and working with critique partners. 

Heather: What are some good questions to ask when considering working with a new CP?

It can be so scary, but it is well worth it. Critiques make our work better and help find holes and things that just aren't working in our manuscripts. 

I think the best questions to ask when deciding if a writer might be your critique partner match would be: What do you write? What do you like to read? How much time do you have for critiquing? How do you like to critique? Do you do line edits or just general notes? How much time do you normally need to do a critique?

Heather: What would be good reasons not to work with someone - meaning, even if someone is accomplished and a good writer, should you pay attention to the differences between you (like personality)? 
I like diversity, so if someone writes something different from me, or their personality isn't like mine, I think that's wonderful. The only time I would not want to work with someone is if he or she is negative. You can tell a lot about a person through a Twitter feed. If the feed is always negative, I'd caution starting a CP relationship. 

Heather: How do you find a CP? 
I haven't looked for a CP in such a long time. I have a small group of friends who are my critique partners. I found them doing NaNoWriMo and participating in contests. I think if you put yourself out there and participate on the hashtags for writer events, you get to know fellow writers. Then all you have to do is ask them. If they tweet about their current work in process and you like the premise, tweet them and tell them you'd love to critique it. It's reaching out that gets you a critique partner. Also, we have www.CPSeek.com where you can post what you're looking for in a critique partner. Others will read it, and if they feel you're a match, they can contact you.

Heather: How many CPs should you work with? And how many people should you agree to be a CP for? 
Each person works differently and needs a different amount of CPs. Some just need one, others need a dozen. It depends on your time and what you can give back to your CPs. I have just a few, and each one offers a special eye to certain elements in a story.

Heather: Sadly, sometimes these professional relationships just don't work out for one reason or another. How do you "break up" without burning bridges? 
I'm a pretty easy going person. I've never had to "break up" with a CP. I think honesty is always best. Just tell them you don't feel like you're connecting enough to their work to give them the critique they deserve. Reading, as we all know, is subjective. Just be kind and direct the problem to yourself than them. Some people can get hurt easily; it's always best to go with the "it's not you, it's me" approach.

Heather: How much work/time should you reasonably expect to ask of a CP? How much work/time should you be expected to make available to CP other people? 
It depends on how much time you have after your day job and family time. I suggest starting out with one to three critique partners and see how it goes. Always be upfront with your critique partners on how much time you have. We all have deadlines, vacations, or just things that happen beyond our control. Keep them informed. I say that you should give your critique partner a few weeks to give you the best critique possible. And you should tell them what to expect from you. If you think you can have it back in two weeks, tell them. Or if something is happening in your life and you need more time, then let them know it might take you longer this time. It's all about communication.

Brenda Drake, the youngest of three children, grew up an Air Force brat and the continual new kid at school. Brenda’s fondest memories growing up is of her eccentric, Irish grandmother’s animated tales, which gave her a strong love for storytelling. So it was only fitting that she would choose to write young adult and middle grade novels with a bend toward the fantastical. When Brenda’s not writing or doing the social media thing, she’s haunting libraries, bookstores, and coffee shops or reading someplace quiet and not at all exotic (much to her disappointment). Brenda is represented by Peter Knapp with Park Literary. Look for her young adult novel, LIBRARY JUMPERS, coming soon.

She runs contests and twitter pitches, and you can find out more on her website: www.brenda-drake.com

And while we're on the subject of critique, here are a few more opportunities for critique workshops:

1) This Friday (2-7), SC Author will post revisions to queries/first 250 for those of you who participated in #Becomeanagent. Anyone can looksee, and all the help is good.

2) Also on Friday, Michelle Hauck will be doing a Critique Workshop on her blog. She's posting the submissions from her two alternates for #TeamSnow. If you entered #sunvvssnow and if you take time to leave feedback on the alternate's submissions, she'll do her best to post your entry for workshopping.
 

Be Brilliant, everyone!!

More Query Critique

Just found another chance for a query critique I wanted to tell you all about:

THIS: http://yastands.blogspot.com/2014/01/letting-your-babies-go-plus-giveaway.htm

This one's a raffle, and you can earn up to 4 chances to win the critique.

Your critiquer: Joshua David Bellin:

Josh is a member of the Pub Hub team (formerly YA Stands for those of you who already follow that blog). He debut novel, the YA sci-fi Survival Colony Nine, comes out in fall 2014. He's repped by Liza Fleissig of Liza Royce Agency.

So, enter!! As Yoda says, (in Bellin's hands, above) "There is no try. There is only do."

I'm definitely entering my YA ms query - would love more eyes and more thoughts about how to make it the query that changes my life. :)

Good Luck!